WHOA!
I had no idea that my little post about kids would illicit such a strong response. I was going to answer all of the comments on my previous post and then I realized it would be a lot to put into a comment so I would just comment on my comments here. I'm going to start with my favorite comment from my friend Ginny who has triplets who are about a year and a half.
Well the only way to get people to STOP asking the question is to have multiples. lol Then they start asking "your done right?" So have a few of your own and a few adopted ones. Oh and don't worry about your clock... the older you get the greater your chances of multiples :) But adopt first... some older kids so they can help you take care of the little ones.
First of all, that is the best piece of advice ever! Mr. Coleman and I both agree that adopting an older kid to help with our multiples that you're convinced we are going to have is by far the best way to go! I love that you just say it like it's going to happen, that you're positive I am going to have more than one kid at once! I am the daughter of a fraternal twin and daughters of fraternal twins are more likely to have fraternal twins themselves. So IF I have a kid...you just might be right!
Everyone has been asking Don and I the same question-ESPECIALLY when we are at church....it is a little annoying. But I agree, it has made the step back and think-do I want another?!?
Church is the worst place for all of those life event kinds of questions. For some reason it's like it's amplified within the walls of the house of God and EVERYONE thinks it's their business to ask you those kinds of things. I hated the "When are you getting married?" question when I was single becuase it wasn't like I was just hanging out trying NOT to find Mr. Right. Oh and Russell is an awesome little boy, I can see why with a kid like that you might want another. ;)
Nicole, you do whatever you want. You'd be surprised as to how much your children would behave like you. I have so many similar traits to my mom and dad, and you know I'm adopted. Either way you go, you'll make excellent parents. But don't let this biological thing even enter into the picture. The power of your love will mold and shape this child, regardless of the genes' source.
Andrew you know you are my favorite adopted person! Your perspective is a unique one that a lot of other people aren't lucky enough to have. You know me, I don't really take to other people telling me what I should do so I know that my decision will be all mine, (and Mr. Coleman's too.) I agree, any kind of love we have to give a child will be enough to make that child extra special and all ours. You make me want to be an adoptive parent!
Oh, Nicole, how I feel you on this... Tony and I have been together since after my high school graduation and since then we have tiredly discussed potentially having children, however, much like you, neither one of us have the desire to birth our own children. Nearly all of our friends have children, so yes, the never-ending waves of our friends sentiments keep the topic alive in your head even though you feel you've already reached your decision. My advice: please only do what YOU and MR. COLEMAN want to do. As for adoption, once again, I feel you! I have told everyone, when they bombard me with "when are you having kids?" questions, that Tony and I would love to adopt...the snears they give, how rude! All of my opinions aside on this topic, I just want you to know that I do understand what you two are going through. It's tiresome having to respond to the endless questions and comments and having to defend your personal emotions on the matter. Fact of the matter is a lot of people that "push" you had their children on accident...very rarely are children "planned" these days...so that fact that you and Aaron actually talk, communicate, agree and have some sort of a plan that suits you two, I think you two are wise beyond your years and are actually living a much more gratifying life than others around you. Once again, that's my opinion, but since I'm going through the same thing, I think this opinion is valid. side note: many, many studies have been done on "true happiness"...granted "true happiness" is a farce, what has been found, time and time again, is that people with no children are far happier than those with...no matter what people with kids say "oh they are the best thing to ever happen to me"...people without children actually HAVE (proof) of a happier, more fulfilled life. To that, hats off to us! Live YOUR dream, no one elses'!
Oh, and I forgot...people say the same thing to me and Tony: "oh, your kids would be so cute, curly red hair, freckles, beautiful eyes, smart, yada, yada, yada"... I, of course, am extremely complimented by this but still, it's only what people say to FORCE you to have kids...they entice you with images of your potential child...but to their dismay, I don't like in fantasy, I live in reality and my reality says that my biological clock is NOT ticking and there are many, upon many, children in this country and others that NEED loving parents. I think adoption is by far the most selfless thing you could ever do, whereas birthing your own child just for the sake of seeing how cute or smart they would be is very selfish. A lot of my friends don't seem to understand that, but once again, they just wanted to make little xerox copies of themselves.
I always forget that everyone who is a newlywed, or married without children gets asked this question. Like I told Andrew, Mr. Coleman and I have no problem doing exactly what we want to do. Like our "secret" marriage we will always do what is best for the two of us. I know that a lot of people appeal to our insticts when they tell us all those things about how cute, smart, etc. our kids would be and the fact of the matter is some sort of instict in most people to want to have children. I understand the need to have biological children even if that isn't my choice and I think that people should try to understand both sides, even if that isn't the right choice for them. I feel the same way about people who choose not to have children. I think if that's the choice that you feel is right for you then it probably is and I understand why that works for people also. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, and I understand where your frustrations come from...but you and Tony would have such cute kids! ;)
You guys should say to people who ask you when you're going to have kids, "when we find the one we like best". I just get excited every time I see a little black kid with a radical outfit on and I want that kid to be yours. You don't have to physically make it yourself. I know that when you adopt your little bebe you will be creating the smart, caring, beautiful/handsome person that WILL change the world and WILL make every person they encounter a better person just for having known them. I know I'm a better person for just having known you guys. So, is there a website we can go to to pre-screen these adoptable babies for cuteness? You know,like when buying a puppy. :) and I think if you did make a baby of your own it would have curly hair and Aaron's beard, even if it is a girl.
Again, that's so sweet of you to say you are a better person for knowing us AND that our kid will change the world. I love you! And you better believe I'm gonna have me a cute little black baby dressed in radical clothes with a sweet afro! I'm not sure if I can find a baby like I found the puppy I want but if I do find a site like that then you can help me agonize over picking a sweet little child to love!
Have you thought that maybe God will make the decision for you? And that you can have biological children AND adopted children and love them all? Like me. (my own children and my nieces and nephews).
AP, I hope that God makes that decision for us! I would love to have both if it didn't entail the whole pregnancy, delivery part. That part all makes me want to vomit! No matter what happens I know that Aaron and I will love any baby entrusted to us.
Pray about it together. The Lord has a plan for you and He doesn't make bad plans. But, I must say, I don't think there is anything on this earth as miraculous as a human being, conceived in love, growing in your womb. :)
Aunt Connie, we will definitely pray on it. I agree that I also think it is a miraculous thing...and scary! I've seen so many pregnant women and it's so INTENSE! The miracle part of it all is amazing, but the rest makes me feel a little sick. haha.
Thanks to everyone for your comments. I always welcome feedback on my blog! Expect a crafty blog soon!
Nicole
